Welcome to the Divine Fertility Messages Blog
Heads up, this blog might trigger you. I invite you to read / listen to it with a deeper understanding of it, go past the trigger and meditate on what triggered you. There is always good in everything, especially if it is triggering you. And if it didn’t trigger you, I’m happy because I know I helped add yet another level to understanding something that has most likely deeply affected you in your past. I’m also happy that, thanks to reading / listening to it, it helps you move forward attracting the kinds of people who see you, as the beautiful you, that you are. Enjoy!
This picture is me as a child.
Interesting how I look so happy in this picture. That's not how I remember my childhood.
When I was a kid, I asked my dad ‘Why do they keep asking me questions, I answer them and then they laugh and don’t continue the conversation?’. That is the more commonly known question of
‘Why do they keep picking on me?’
My dad always replied ‘because you’re built differently than they are, you’re made from a different material than them’ - that’s an exact Romanian to English translation of what my dad used to say to me, which actually meant
'They’re picking on you because you think differently than they do, and most likely you both live in different worlds from one another’
He would always follow it with ‘be patient, you won’t understand it now, but you will understand it later’
Now, not only I understand it, I’ve learned from it and am finally able to blend in society without having so much anxiety, fears and always feeling left out.
Don’t get me wrong, I still feel like that, every single day, but, over time, I’ve learned and adapted. I know what to say to help myself and help others around me know how to communicate with me.
What does all this have to do with tough skin and a joyful learning lesson?
You're probably thinking bulling is a horrible thing. How can I ever associate it with a learning lesson, let alone a joyful one? Well, I've just had a simple conversation with a friend yesterday and it helped me realise what I was meant to learn from all the bullying I've experienced growing up. It also helped me learn how humour works, among people - something that continues to elude me, every day.
I don't get jokes, most of the times I need to have them explained to me, and when I do get them, I laugh and laugh and laugh, as I find them absolutely hilarious. I particularly like 'bad jokes' or 'play on words jokes'. Something about them, enlightening I guess.
Well, it's the time lag that it takes me to process it, analyse it in my head, making pictures, deciphering feelings, pulling from past experiences, memories I've made, thousands of interactions I've memorised and categorised in my head. I've gotten much faster, but still takes me some time to clue in to what society calls 'a natural back-and-forth conversation'. Nothing natural for me there ... it's all learned and memorised, every single day.
It is moments like those that I also used to get picked on, called all sorts of names like 'slow', 'stupid', 'alien'. I never thought those are bad words, I only took them as facts, interactions that are meant to be analysed and interpreted for a more clear understanding. I still do.
I also channelled messages non-stop. As all children are, my connection with divinity was wide opened. I was constantly sharing vital information with everyone around me, helping them navigate their physical world, with the help of fresh divine information. I always knew I'm, in a way, doing them a favour, because I could tell their somewhat skewed version of reality needed a bit of a boost in the right direction. That's what I thought, at least.
I was sharing messages left, right and centre, all the time. I was rarely met with intrigue and curiosity, but more so, with anger, sadness, aggression, and constant accusations, things like 'how can you say something like that', 'you crazy, what's wrong with you', 'why are you hurting me with what you're saying'.
I, now, know, those comments were only projections, from either people's lack of understanding or from their lack of desire to dig deep within themselves to heal emotional trauma that's stuck within them. Either way, I was helping, I know that.
Over time, I've also learned, like another blog I wrote as well, called Can humour really heal me? (click here for the link to it) that people use humour to help loosen up someone's model of the world, helping creating connection, camaraderie, friendship. Humour also shows someone's either on the verge of healing something or has already healed something deep within them, and they're now more okay to address it.
It's this humour that comes with an open heart, a caring manner, a joyful connection, a sign that people really do care deep inside.
We're originally, by divine design, built to care, to embody love, to support one another, to live together. And even now, we do care, we do love one another, we do want the best for each other, it really is our default mode of being.
And it's this banter, joyful back and forth, coming from people I love and who love me, that I used to associate it with mean intentions. I have now learned that, this is how people who love each other, support each other to continue to grow, and it's their way of saying 'I love you'.
Now, this is not to be confused with true narcissistic, emotional abusive, passive aggressive behaviours, oh boy am I ever familiar with those from my past, deeply and intimately, non-stop, every single day. Some of them intentional, other ones out of one's awareness. Those behaviours have hurt me deeply, and yet, continued to be a learning lesson for me.
Through regular counselling sessions, therapists, professional coaches, spiritual coaches and friends, I've helped pull it apart to distinguish who helps my personal growth and who hinders it. Through tough decisions I've made in my life, I've spent more time with those who made me feel good, expanded, loved, happy and let go of those who still needed to go on their journey, on a separate timeline than mine.
And here I am today, after a continuous living meditation, constantly requesting for learning lessons of why I've been bullied in the past and what the purpose of it all is, I learned to fine tune true bullying versus loving banter.
Bullying has taught me that I don't need to develop tough skin in order to protect myself. The world isn't a cruel place, full of people that want to hurt you, take something from you, leave you broken, on the streets, empty handed, with nowhere to go for help or safety.
The world is full of people who love me, care about me, understand me.
It's those people I choose to spend my time with, it's the people with whom I participate in banter every day, banter I couldn't let a day go by without having. Banter which helps me learn more about myself than I ever thought possible, banter which helps me laugh at myself and my quirky inabilities to communicate with the world, banter which helps me love myself and love others. Banter which helps me be compassionate with others as they have had a difficult journey behind them and maybe don't know how to move forward. Banter which helps me know I am okay and perfect just the way I am. Banter which helps me recognise it, if it happens in the future. And banter which helps me know I can help others deal with their past and move forward in their life.
My message (and action steps) for you:
Every event that happens in your life, that you perceive as negative, has some sort of good in it. It has a purpose of bettering you, helping you understand yourself at a deeper level. I've come a long way from hating that I've been bullied in the past and hating people's behaviours for it, and hating that I never understood why it was happening. I now understand it had nothing to do with me and my personal goal was to learn that other people were in pain and didn't know how to help themselves. I learned that banter isn't a bad thing, like I thought it was and I learned that people are loving, caring and always have good intentions deep within. And now, in your life, what's that one negative thing that keeps happening in your life? Analyse it and find the good it does in your life. Once you find out what that is, manoeuvre your life in a way where you attract more of that and less of the other one.
And always remember ...
People are always good, caring and have the best of intentions for you. Their behaviour may not reflect it, but deep inside, they are good people. And this ... includes you! You are worthy, you are loved, you are enough, always!
Comments